World AIDS Day Dinner

Please join us on Dec 1, World AIDS Day, for a dinner celebrating the lives of loved ones lost to HIV disease, AND the joy of a possible adoption. For every HIV positive child adopted, another one can other one can take her place and receive lifesaving treatment. We are hoping to bring home another little girl in 2011, and you can be part of it. Drop in between 5:30 and 8:30pm, Wednesday Dec 1, for a delicious Ethiopian feast. We are your hostesses, as you sample an assortment of meat or veggie dishes straight from Ethiopia. Assimba restaurant is located at the corner of MLK and Cherry St. (2722 E Cherry St, Seattle 98122). Bring your family and friends. Whatever we collect at the end of the night pays for dinner and with any luck... plane tickets. Pick up a red ribbon, sign a card to your legislator, or just groove to the Ethiopian music. Can't wait to see you!

New chicks!

Enjoy this video clip of our 12 beautiful new babies, which arrived yesterday. The darker ones (that look like chipmunks) are Welsumers, a "chocolate" egg layer. The yellow ones are Red Star, which are also a friendly, backyard-friendly bird. While it is quite frowned upon to do any kind of fundraising for adoption by the Ethiopian government, and this is not a blog that will bandy about the f-word... if you would like a beautiful hen for the backyard garden that lays rich brown eggs, we'll give you one in the spring and thank you in advance for supporting our adoption! I received word yesterday that there are many new kids who came into care in the kindergarten age range. I am going to redouble my efforts to get my Dossier complete in the hopes that one of these little girls is a match for us. I also can't stop thinking about a little girl from AHOPE named D. She is about eleven at this point. I know that she was really trying to win me over while I was there, sidling up to me for hugs, and quietly a presence. But it worked! She is definitely unforgettable. Earlier in the year I emailed to see if she already had a family and I never really got a complete answer. But she is still on the list of waiting kids, so I presume that I could ask to see her file as well. It's really interesting to hear the girls talk about adopting again. You would almost think that "the new girl" as they call her, is already here.

Welcome Back

This is a new edition of my blog, which will hopefully be updated once a week with recipes, poems, deep thoughts, parenting moments, book recommendations, comics, photos, breaking news, and updates on my foray into another adoption. If you're reading this post, you have been invited to be part of it all.

It has been a year since Mareshet came home. I wish I could say that I have met all of her challenging moments with grace, but I can say that I met them head-on, with good intentions, and mostly did a good job. There are a few moments that I wish I could erase. I have also become expert in "just try me" threats. "Keep it up Mareshet, and just see whether I drop what I'm doing later to take you to that birthday party." However, most of the time, I aspire to the coolheadedness in Love and Logic and if I can't drum it up, my sense of humor usually leaves me in good stead. I have no problem throwing myself under the wagon if that's what it takes, and usually both of my kids end up laughing when I can recall something stupid I did or said as a kid their age, or something stupid I did today. One of our favorite books is by Judith Voight. It is called ... Sometimes Even Mamas Make Mistakes. That is now our credo. If I meet that woman, I am going to kiss her, because no manner of parenting expertise can ever be as reassuring to a child as a parent admitting that, "maybe you had a hand in this, but so did I... and sometimes even Mama makes mistakes." The other standing joke in our house is that I am Queen of this household, under God only in terms of power in our universe. Mareshet asked, wouldn't the President fit between God and I (picture innocent face and mocking tone). I cleared up her confusion right away. The President would be asked to take off his shoes when coming over, just like anyone else. It goes God, Mom, Grandma, the President, your Teacher, other people's parents, babysitters, and eventually down to you. Kids are the bosses of precious little, but they are the boss of their rooms and their toys and our rabbits. The rabbits boss the chickens, and the chickens boss the bugs. That is the Natural Order and for the most part, it is respected when I can rehearse it rapidly in a very convincing tone of voice.

Looking back, it feels good to have banked a year in the life of a kid who needed a family. Frankly, she couldn't have scored better in terms of moms, which I say now because there are plenty of times that is not the first thought running through my head. It is only after some contemplation that I realize this is a fact. For whatever reason, we are in a place where it is papatable to consider trying this adoption thing again. The girls and I took a vote: it was unanimous. We have enough to go around and anyone would be lucky to have us. So, wherever you are kid, welcome to Family Movie Night with popcorn and hot cocoa. Welcome to camping. Welcome to Your Turn to Fold the Laundry. Welcome to our awesome elementary school and to riding bikes and to digging for potatoes. Welcome to Grandma coming over with cupcakes and Waffle Saturday. We're expecting you!

Beginning of a Journey

Peace and Blessings to my friends and family.  Assalaamu 'alaikum.  This blog is a record of my journey toward an Ethiopian adoption.  I felt that I needed a place to mindfully track my thoughts, given how busy my life can be.  I also wanted to learn whether this blog can generate community and mutual support around the adoption process, and particularly Muslims adopting.  If you Google adoption, one thing that becomes apparent is that there are a lot of religiously affiliated groups out there doing this good work.  But for a Muslim like myself, this can create the false illusion that there are no other single Muslims out there who are open to adoption.  I hope that for those of you out there who are considering adoption or who have adopted, you can add your voice to this blog.  

The adoption agency I have chosen is Adoption Advocates International, based here in Washington.  I was drawn to this particular nonprofit because it seems to have good ethics, does not have a bunch of angels and crosses all over their website, and they have a good track record.  You can read more about the efforts of this agency in the book by Melissa Faye Greene, There is No Me Without You: One Woman's Odyssey to Rescue Africa's Children (2006).  Her website (www.thereisnomewithoutyou.com) has a nice link to information about Ethiopian adoption.  Obviously, I adapted this blog's title from her book's title.  AAI also works to keep HIV+ children healthy and has pioneered adoption work of HIV+children to the US.  AHOPE for Children, (www.ahopeforchildren.org) is a partner agency that houses and schools HIV+ children, and even more importantly, provides them access to the lifesaving drugs that has turned AIDS into a manageable chronic illness for most Americans.  I support AHOPE and during this time of economic depression in Ethiopia, I encourage you to consider doing so as well.  

When I was participating in a public health residency in South Africa, I visited a hospital program for adults who were dying of AIDS.  It was like a converted warehouse with rows upon rows of human beings, sharing bedspace and the heavy expectation of death.  It reminded me of a slave ship galley.  On the other end of the spectrum, I also saw grassroots efforts to create acceptance and community around living with HIV.   Mothers to Mothers to Be (M2M2B) is a mentorship program where women birthing babies are tested for HIV, offered treatment for their babies, and provided a combination of training and skillbuilding to help support the next cohort of mothers through their childbirth preparation and postpartum.  It is a perfect example how people can support each other through discrimination to care for their children.  Visit www.mothersprograms.org to learn more about this group.  Also, Nkosi's Haven (www.nkosi.iafrica.com) is a nonprofit founded in the memory of a special little boy that creates a home for HIV+ mothers and children.   South Africa is not currently allowing adoption.  With the staggering numbers of children orphaned by AIDS, I began to investigate community based nonprofits like those mentioned above, with the idea of adoption in the back of my mind.

In 2006 I was contacted by a local childbirth education agency to help a Muslim woman who was 8 1/2 months pregnant and hoping to find a Muslim adoptive family for her child.  Her circumstances were indeed challenging and while adopting out children is unusual in Muslim societies, she felt it was the best way to serve this child.  I put her in contact with a local open adoption agency, but unfortunately, there were no Muslim waiting families.  I began to send out emails, asking Muslims I knew to spread the word to prospective adoptive families.  I would have been open to adopting the baby myself, though I was married at the time and my husband did not approve.  The baby was born before a family could be located.  I served as the doula for the mother, who would continue to receive counseling from the adoption agency.   I began receiving calls from all over the US and Canada... and thanks to God, a local Muslim family who had been interested in foreign adoption stepped forward and became the baby's new family.  By witnessing the events, I became more thoughtful about adoption in my future, somehow.  In my divorce process, I realized that in giving up my chance to have more biological children, I would be opening myself to the prospect of an adoption.

And that's how I arrived here, with a giant pile of paperwork, dreaming of another child in my home... praying for the family that has made the terrible decision to give her up.