Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Snapping Turtle


I'll admit it, last week I was sulking, something I try never to do.  But I was a real snapping turtle all right.  Our case was not heard in court and we were kept guessing as to when we might have a new date set.  What pulled me out of my funk, aside from excellent company, was remembering that last year at this time, I was embroiled in desperately trying to the house and move before the economy collapsed.  Thanks to God, it did sell and now that nightmare is only a memory.  I keep thinking: Next year at this time, my life will be totally different.  I'll have two little girls squealing and arguing in the background, and maybe I should just relax and enjoy the relative quiet and smaller grocery bills.  That was working well for me until dear Julee sent me ten stunning new pictures of Mareshet taken earlier this month.  Masha'llah, she is absolutely adorable.  I am reassured that she seems healthy and happy, but for goodness sake!!!  I can't wait to be her mommy.  Well, the good news is now our court date is set for April 28th.  I am much more optimistic that this time, our adoption will be finalized.
 
On another note, I devoured the book The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch, and am so grateful to my friend Tana for giving it to me!  In light of losing a parent at a relatively young age, I think I spend a lot of time thinking about the legacy I want to leave for my children.  However, I am embarrassed to say that among other practical steps, I have not updated my Will since the divorce; I've been waiting for the finalization of the adoption.  I'm happy to say that Mareshet does already have godparents, even if this is not really part of Islamic culture per se.  But I suppose my goal before the next court date is to get a draft based on some sound legal and financial advice (both Islamic and otherwise).  Friends, please remind me that this can't wait.  Mareshet has already lost two parents, and if something happens to me without plans in writing, I'll never forgive myself.  On a happier note, check out Miss Sassy (above!), who reminds me in all that she does to live out the dreams of my childhood.  

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

More Adventures in Court

Apologies, dear friends for not keeping you more up to date on court.  It is no wonder I came down with a cold and spent the last couple of days on the couch.  Every day has dawned with unappealing news from Ethiopia.  First, the judge presiding over our case dodged last Friday's meeting with the legal representative, and then again Monday, keeping us all in suspense as to whether she would use the old Power of Attorney Forms.  Now it is a mute point because the new POA are in Ethiopia in the hot little hands of our lawyer, T.  So, we are all waiting with bated breath to learn whether, tomorrow, this judge will rule on our cases which have effectively been in limbo since the 7th.  She has made no commitment to do so, having a number of other cases scheduled for tomorrow.  However, I hope and pray that T. can goad, chide, blackmail, or otherwise urge the judge to pass us as part of the next group.  If she decides to reschedule our little group of families, it may mean several more weeks of waiting.  
It's hard to describe what I've been feeling these past ten days.  Outwardly, I suppose I am functioning semi-capably as ever, but inwardly I just feel the loss of all the days I might have had with Mareshet.  At night, my anxieties seem to take on a vivid life of their own, as I have dream after dream of ever more improbable yet very intricate nightmares.  For example, last night I dreamed that the judge finally did pass our case but when I went to pick up Mareshet, she was a grown woman of about thirty.  When I protested that there must be some mistake, I was sternly told to to live up to my duty as an adoptive parent and take her home!  In another dream, my social worker finally emailed me that the adoption had been finalized, but I was so confused and found it so hard to believe that I ignored the message.  In doing so, I missed my opportunity and another family adopted her!  And my worst dream was when the judge said that I was not qualified as a single parent to adopt Mareshet (and for some reason I was there in this dream, which made her ruling even more biting).  All in all, I have not gotten much sleep and I wake up panicked and confused.   I thought the hard part was over when I finally had made up my mind to accept Mareshet's referral.  Why plague myself now with all these hollow fears?  In the end, I'm sure my subconscious is just busy tidying house.  I may end up with a more sophisticated brain for all this nighttime renovation.  However, the dreams seem to get worse each night and if the judge doesn't pass us tomorrow I'm going to end up neurotic and jaded.
I can't close this page without also commenting that April 10th was also the anniversary of my father's death.  My grief over lost days with Mareshet is compounded by my grief over lost days with my father.  I am, under the best of circumstances, cranky and introspective during early April.   I miss my dad, for all his quirks and Republicanisms.  I especially miss the things we did together, out of doors.  The farther away I feel from Nature, the farther away I feel from him, too.  I badly need a camping trip, a chance to sit and stare into a fire and see stars at night.  I want to lay upon some sunbleached grass out in pine country, and listen to birds and insects and not freeways.  I want my kids to get this too.  Not be raised here, dirt deficient and unaware of rivers.  How to achieve this, I am not sure, as health insurance is not readily doled out to the Thoreaus of the world.  But when I reflect on my dad's brief life, I start thinking:  maybe there is more to life than this.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Court Date #1 and Counting


Well, my dear readers, April 7 has come and gone and I am not yet Mareshet's mother.  We did not pass court today because AAI has a new lawyer and unfortunately, the Power of Attorney papers I originally signed have the previous lawyer's name on them.  The judge would not proceed without the new POA, which is fortunately on it's way to Ethiopia.  If God allows, we will have a second court date 10 or more days from now.  I'm just praying for a quick resolution. After all, there should be nothing preventing us from passing, unless the Ministry paperwork is not submitted on time (which for no reason other than this is the method to the madness, it cannot be completed until after the POA arrives.)  I did have some warning last week that the cases in our Court Group would likely not pass.  I therefore got most of my bumming done over the weekend.  And, this does give me more time to gather the supplies-- see below for the Wish List.
Yesterday as luck would have it I ran into a friend of my former husband.  He and his wife are from Ethiopia and we often run into one another at the park.  He told me that they are expecting and after the usual and customary exclamations, it led into my telling him about Mareshet.  I am always a little tentative about telling Ethiopian friends about the adoption, recognizing that adoption is a little bit imperialistic even under the best circumstances. However, he was immediately encouraging, and exclaimed over Mareshet's picture: "she's so cute!"  With a great deal of pain in his voice, he recounted how, on his last trip to Addis, he saw a young girl carrying an infant (a sister? daughter?), asking for birr from motorists.  He said, "As soon as we drove off, I regretted not asking her if she had a family.  I still think about her, I can see her face so clearly, and I just wish I had been able to take her out of there."  We spoke a bit about how vulnerable kids are who lose parents, and then he gave me his cell phone number so that I could call him as soon as Mareshet comes.  I felt so grateful for his acceptance ("she's from my old neighborhood!") and I left the park feeling lighter in spirit.