Monday, September 29, 2008

Najma on Where Babies Come From


Well, a week ago Monday I went to the Post Office to mail in my "big packet" of paperwork and checks to the agency.  My daughter (3) was with me, and she asked me what the packet was.  Unprepared, I said, "well, it's a letter to another social worker."  She wanted to know what it was about.  I replied, "Remember when your friend M. was adopted last month?  She is home forever with her adoptive mom.  I wrote to the social worker to find out if other little girls needed a home.  Would you share your home with another little girl?  Then you would have a sister."
She replied, "Yeah, I want a sister.  She could play with my toys."
The next day, we were having dinner and, completely out of the blue, she said to me, "Remember when you mailed that letter to the social worker?"
"Yes..."
"Can we get a baby sister now?  I want a baby sister to snuggle."
I told her that adoption takes a long time, and that we probably won't get a tiny baby.  Then I asked her where she thought babies came from, aware that she has known many pregnant women. 
"Babies 'R Us, " she replied confidently.  

Nevertheless, I know her basic understanding of where babies come from is still intact because she later asked me whether about her ballet teacher, currently several months pregnant.
"Is Miss M's baby going to be our baby?"  

I'm assuming Najma's concept of social workers is even less clear.  Her favorite movie last year was Lilo and Stitch.  In this Disney movie, the child welfare worker (aka FBI alien investigator) is a tall, African American man with an earring who perpetually wears sunglasses and never smiles.  When I told her I was also a social worker, she said, "No mom, you're not a social worker!"  I suppose I don't look the part!  I have since tried to point out my other friends who are bona fide social workers and she's not buying it.  I will be interested to see what happens at the time of our home visit.

Meanwhile, I have told a few people in my life about these adoption plans.  Though I have received support and measured enthusiasm, I am a little confused at the true surprise most people have shown.  I might have well said, "I'm taking a moonwalk today."  While I have tried not to make any assumptions about how people will react, on some level I want to ask, "Why is this so surprising?  Don't you know me at all?"  I guess I underestimate how much shock value adoption still raises.   

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Here We Go

Welcome, new readers!  This weekend I'll be completing the last of the gigantic paperwork bundle that the adoption agency sent to me after my initial application.  It includes things like the US immigration forms, Medical forms, and a Personal Data form.  I found the Personal forms challenging because the questions are open ended and all about my life's path, but they give you space for only about two lines of text.  It took me a couple of weeks just to do that packet alone, usually when Najma was sleeping.  I have started to tell a few more people about my plans.  Notably, I did break the news to a co-worker, someone who would be affected directly should I go on leave.  However, I think she took it rather well.  And with a year or more of likely wait time until I meet my new child, she will have plenty of time to process and we can be planning for it together.  I also told a mentor and friend at work, who provided the enthusiasm and joy I needed to bolster my confidence a bit.  Thanks, J. :)  Now I have to gear up to tell family, and Najma's father.  I really have no idea what to expect but assume major anxiety will be part of the mix.  Maybe Thanksgiving would be a good time.  Or maybe after the kid arrives :)

Anyway, today I'll head to Kinkos and make copies off the papers and the checks, and get it ready to send to the agency insha'llah.  It's not a point of no return, but it's also a significant commitment financially and emotionally.  Here we go!  Yikes-yippee!

Monday, September 15, 2008

Expecting Mother

I have not had a chance to write for a while since my daughter came down with strep throat. This weekend I was out of commission typing-wise because I was trying to child proof the medicine cabinet and ended up cutting my hand.  Seriously, why do I attempt home improvement projects without supervision?  For those of you who know me, you will notice that I'm using a pen name-- "Sakinah" means tranquility, and who wouldn't want to have more of that in her life?  I'll use "Najma" for my daughter, because that's what she is: a star.

We have spent the last golden days of summer at parks and exploring our neighborhood. Highlights include running on Edmonds beach, and the castle-esque play structure on the Bastyr University Campus.  I have also been letting the idea sink in that I am not so different than all the pregnant women in my life.  I, too am expecting a child, even if I have no "due date" to speak of, no sense of who this child is yet.  I have been following posts to the agency's Ethiopian adoptions list-serv.  I marvel at the other members' transition from referral, to travel, to meeting their child, parenting their child!  Someday that will be me.  Someday I'll be separating two little girls who want to fight over the last cookie.  I'll be getting up in the middle of the night again, this time for a grieving child.  I'll be making the only meal that she will eat every day, singing the favorite song ad nauseam, trying to exit the child care as gracefully as possible with a child clinging to my leg.  Despite the challenges I've had with my bio daughter, I know I'm in for so much more.  Yet I'm excited.  I anticipate challenges (even difficult attachment) with hope.  If no one else can see that I'm expecting, it doesn't matter, I can feel it inside, and it is electrifying.

I've had a few friends come forward with great tenderness to endorse this adoption journey. They've shown me that they have confidence in my parenting and are willing to support me through it once again.  Thank you to those few of you whom I've trusted with this news, and for all of those soon to learn, including my family... know that I have delayed telling you only as long as it has taken to get my bearings.  I hope that you'll be able to see that I've been waiting to parent for so long, and wishing for a large family at that.  I've had some setbacks, but you know me-- I'm ambitious about these things and ready for a second child.  If you wonder whether adopting means I chose not to remarry, rest assured that the guy I'm looking for is open to a blended family-- and more children, God willing!  Until he appears, I am looking forward to my second child, and would love to tell you all about it.

Ah, I must sign off.  My instinct told me something was awry--Najma has plugged the toilet with about a half a roll of toilet paper.  Cheers,
sakinah