Monday, September 15, 2008

Expecting Mother

I have not had a chance to write for a while since my daughter came down with strep throat. This weekend I was out of commission typing-wise because I was trying to child proof the medicine cabinet and ended up cutting my hand.  Seriously, why do I attempt home improvement projects without supervision?  For those of you who know me, you will notice that I'm using a pen name-- "Sakinah" means tranquility, and who wouldn't want to have more of that in her life?  I'll use "Najma" for my daughter, because that's what she is: a star.

We have spent the last golden days of summer at parks and exploring our neighborhood. Highlights include running on Edmonds beach, and the castle-esque play structure on the Bastyr University Campus.  I have also been letting the idea sink in that I am not so different than all the pregnant women in my life.  I, too am expecting a child, even if I have no "due date" to speak of, no sense of who this child is yet.  I have been following posts to the agency's Ethiopian adoptions list-serv.  I marvel at the other members' transition from referral, to travel, to meeting their child, parenting their child!  Someday that will be me.  Someday I'll be separating two little girls who want to fight over the last cookie.  I'll be getting up in the middle of the night again, this time for a grieving child.  I'll be making the only meal that she will eat every day, singing the favorite song ad nauseam, trying to exit the child care as gracefully as possible with a child clinging to my leg.  Despite the challenges I've had with my bio daughter, I know I'm in for so much more.  Yet I'm excited.  I anticipate challenges (even difficult attachment) with hope.  If no one else can see that I'm expecting, it doesn't matter, I can feel it inside, and it is electrifying.

I've had a few friends come forward with great tenderness to endorse this adoption journey. They've shown me that they have confidence in my parenting and are willing to support me through it once again.  Thank you to those few of you whom I've trusted with this news, and for all of those soon to learn, including my family... know that I have delayed telling you only as long as it has taken to get my bearings.  I hope that you'll be able to see that I've been waiting to parent for so long, and wishing for a large family at that.  I've had some setbacks, but you know me-- I'm ambitious about these things and ready for a second child.  If you wonder whether adopting means I chose not to remarry, rest assured that the guy I'm looking for is open to a blended family-- and more children, God willing!  Until he appears, I am looking forward to my second child, and would love to tell you all about it.

Ah, I must sign off.  My instinct told me something was awry--Najma has plugged the toilet with about a half a roll of toilet paper.  Cheers,

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