Winter Weariness

In the past few weeks, I've been working extra shifts as a way of saving for the adoption. I also continue to co-facilitate a bereavement group for parents who have lost infants. I am busy at work and overdue for writing the newsletter for Open Arms. I have been working out twice a week, which often leaves me overstimulated and sleepless. It isn't really any wonder that I feel run down. However, it is frustrating to know I could be far more productive, if only my body was better rested. My house looks like it is run by Muppets. This despite many hours of cleaning I put in over the weekend. While I accomplished things like sorting out all the clothes and boxing lots of things the girls have outgrown (Nur is now the size Mareshet was when she arrived!) these tasks are largely invisible or contributed to the clutter of the hallway. The girls sorted through their stuffed animals and made two bags of toys to give away, either to the "new girl" or other kids. I dutifully made two dozen cupcakes for the celebration at the Ethiopian Cultural Center, and cleaned up. However, that did nothing for the overall State of my kitchen. I suppose I just heave a big sigh, and set out on another Monday, in the hopes my blues will lift. The one household innovation I can look at with pride is the creation of a communication board in the kitchen. Here it is, as evidence that I have not been slacking too hard.

Blue Marble

I am sitting with a cup of tea and a house so silent I can hear the bunnies chewing. Yesterday I dropped the girls off with my mother, after meeting her halfway. They will spend a couple of days with her for the school break. I am thankful for the child-less time, as it gave the the chance to stay up until 2am at a Somali wedding last night, sleep in until 12:30pm today, and muck out the chicken coops and other dreaded chores. My yard labors treated me to an amazing view of a golden, full moon rising.

Seeing the moon's face reminded me of an interview I heard on NPR with a Muslima astronaut, Anousheh Ansari. She said that the greatest moment of her space travel was looking at Earth, shining and blue. What's amazing is that almost every astronaut will give the same answer... something about seeing Earth from a distance provides context for how small and precious and fragile we all are.

Today, looking at the moon, I am reminded of this and wonder at my life. I rush around all day, cleaning, typing, working... and in the big picture it means nothing. I marvel that I am conscious, and that my love for my children can be so deep. It is so implausible that my body lives and works to love them, and meanwhile the cosmos is indifferent to this love. Most of the time, I feel like my labors are fruitful-- something about looking over to the moon makes me realize I cannot take myself so seriously.

A Day in the Life

Monday: I took the day off so I could help in the kindergarten classroom. Witnessed 60 kids pounding nails into wood with gusto. Had lunch in the cafeteria with Nur. Noted all the staff I should make cupcakes for. Ducked out before recess, fed chickens, loaded some laundry, went to Costco to buy the doll for $19.99 that is identical in every way to the one Mareshet wants that is $95. Stashed it in the back of my closet to wrap for her birthday. Booked ice skating party, and ordered invitations online. Tried to figure out eBay; gave up. Did two more loads of laundry. Went to Target, bought paper bags, art supplies for holiday gifts. Realized I had to get back to pick up kids. Took them to ballet. Stalked my doctor's office for news of the adoption referral letter. Left a thank-you gift in the hopes it will grease the letter along. Picked up some books for emerging readers. Took kids to U bookstore, desperately seeking the"right" 2011 planner. Bumped into my student; realized I haven't done her evaluation yet. Drove home the long way to see the lights on Candycane Lane and the "crazy" bedecked house by the mosque. Got lost. Arrived home to make fish sticks. Helped kids distracted by glitter glue to focus on homework. Brushed three sets of teeth. Listened to new stories read by both girls. Yelled at them to stop whispering and go to sleep. Cleaned rabbit cage and went outside in dark to put the chickens in the coop. Went through my receipts. Found a lost doll shoe. Realized my bed wasn't made. Reluctantly dredged my sheets out of the dryer, made my only Salat prayer of the day, and crashed into bed.

A Child Waits

World AIDS Day Dinner

Please join us on Dec 1, World AIDS Day, for a dinner celebrating the lives of loved ones lost to HIV disease, AND the joy of a possible adoption. For every HIV positive child adopted, another one can other one can take her place and receive lifesaving treatment. We are hoping to bring home another little girl in 2011, and you can be part of it. Drop in between 5:30 and 8:30pm, Wednesday Dec 1, for a delicious Ethiopian feast. We are your hostesses, as you sample an assortment of meat or veggie dishes straight from Ethiopia. Assimba restaurant is located at the corner of MLK and Cherry St. (2722 E Cherry St, Seattle 98122). Bring your family and friends. Whatever we collect at the end of the night pays for dinner and with any luck... plane tickets. Pick up a red ribbon, sign a card to your legislator, or just groove to the Ethiopian music. Can't wait to see you!

Truth Pandemic

Truth Pandemic

Autumn Days

I am having a hard time adapting to the end of Daylight Savings this year. I feel totally confused. I also have been outrageously overbooked, so before I really wake up, the day is ending again. Combined with my ongoing battle to eradicate headlice in a certain child, leads to some pretty severe sleep deprivation. This can only contribute to the sensation of being a record played at the wrong RPM. I feel like my life is flashing in front of my eyes, and my kids are embodied evidence of this. They have totally left babyhood behind, and I fear that their childhood is also slipping quickly away. I feel a combination of pride and loss with each new thing the girls can do. Nur is just beginning to read now, and has many sight words memorized. She loves to write notes about what she did that day. "daly news. we wnt pe. we had lunch. we had free choise." Mareshet is developing all sorts of competencies. She has also become well known in the local bookstores, often stepping behind the computer to check whether or not books are still in print, and make recommendations. I find that the owners of our local independent stores do order the books she endorses, as they later appear on the shelves with some prominence. I try to be so mindful of the moments we have together, and to enjoy them. Of all my life, I believe that my memories are most clear in my seven to eight year old years. So it is really something to be doing things with them that I so clearly recall doing back in the day. Like playing Uncle Wiggly and Old Maid. Raking leaves. Drinking cocoa.

Last evening I had a wonderful evening out, with two other moms, at a divine little restaurant. My friend Susan gave me a gift certificate to Tilth, in Seattle's Wallingford neighborhood. It was a blissful evening with lovely friends and possibly the most amazing food ever. I had pumpkin soup that smelled like the essence of autumn. Then salmon over spaghetti squash and under delicate mushrooms. And chocolate torte for dessert with cocoa from Theo chocolate. I don't know if I will dine in such splendor again. But it will make a lovely memory.